Kiddo, We Need To Talk

I didn’t think that we needed to have this conversation, but I guess we do. I thought we’d helped prepare you to make good decisions in life, but when we found out that you let your tank get to “E,” and reasonably frequently, we knew that we needed to sit down with you and tell you why that’s just a bad decision. We’re disappointed in you because we know that you can do better. We’re not mad – just disappointed.

First of all, running on empty can make your fuel pump wear out. When you have to replace that tiny delicate part, it’s kind of expensive – definitely more expensive than a tank of gas, for sure. When gas goes through the pump, it acts as a coolant for your fuel pump, and when there’s no gas to suck in, it has to use air. The air creates heat, which then burns out the pump. We’ve been over this with you.

Not only will your pump burn out without gas, but your fuel gauge is more of an approximation of the amount of fuel that you have than anything else. We want you to make educated decisions, and you could have between 50 and .5 miles’ worth of gas left. And you wouldn’t even know, because the gauge isn’t totally accurate. If you see it get down to a quarter of a tank, take that as your time to fill up. Stick a piece of tape at that point with a little “FILL UP NOW” written on it as a reminder. We’ll get it for you when we’re done with this conversation. Remember, not mad – just disappointed.

The last thing is that sediment gathers at the bottom of every gas tank, including yours. When your tank is practically empty, the only gas left is the gas with the sediment in it. The sediment, which is riddled with disgusting qualities, then goes through all of your fuel lines and into your engine, bringing its nastiness wherever it goes. It’s like those friends you have that are just not the best characters. We want you to have good connections, and if you keep those friends you’re just on a downward spiral. Just like if you keep driving on empty. You’ll need a full engine flush if you keep this up. We just want you to do better, all right? We know you can. Great talk. Want to go toss the ball?